Finding Hope, While Trusting God with Someone You Love
“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ… For every man shall bear his own burden.” — Galatians 6:2,5 (KJV)
Loving someone who’s struggling with addiction can feel like drowning while standing on dry ground. You watch someone you love slowly to become someone you hardly recognize. You remember who they used to be. You remember the dreams you shared. And you remember the laughter that used to come more easily, when trust wasn’t fragile, and when home felt like a place of peace instead of uncertainty.
Then, little by little, something changed. Perhaps it was alcohol, or maybe another addiction. Either way, it didn’t seem like much…. At first. Without realizing it, one difficult season became another. The occasional drink became a daily habit. The promises became harder to believe, and the apologies began sounding familiar. Somewhere along the way, you found yourself asking a question you never imagined would enter your heart:
“Can I keep living like this?”
If that’s where you are today, I want you to know something before we go any further. God sees your pain. He sees the tears no one else knows about. He hears the prayers whispered after everyone else has gone to bed. And He hasn’t forgotten you.
One of the hardest truths for a spouse or family member to accept is that love will never force anyone to change. We can encourage. We can pray, forgive and support. But we can’t choose repentance or recovery for someone else. The Apostle Paul shares this beautiful balance in Galatians 6. First, he writes: “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2, KJV) Then only a few verses later, he says: “For every man shall bear his own burden.” (Galatians 6:5, KJV)
At first, those verses almost seem to contradict one another. They don’t. Paul’s reminding us that Christians are called to help carry one another’s burdens. We were never meant to walk through life’s hardships alone. But there’re some burdens another person must carry for themselves. No one can choose obedience for someone else. No one can surrender or make another person seek help. Sadly, it doesn’t matter how pure our intentions are or the strength of the love we feel…. Love can only walk beside someone’s struggle. It’ll never be able to walk in someone else’s shoes.
Perhaps you’ve spent years trying to rescue the person you love. You’ve hidden the bottles. Covered for them at work. Made excuses to the family and cleaned up the mess. You’ve lost count of the nights you’ve stayed awake, waiting for them to come home safely. And held your breath every time the phone rang late at night.
If that’s your story, you’re probably exhausted. You may even feel guilty about being exhausted. Sometimes the weight becomes so heavy that another struggle quietly begins growing in your own heart; bitterness. resentment. fear, and loneliness. Those feelings don’t usually appear overnight. They grow one disappointment at a time. One broken promise, missed birthday, argument, sleepless night, and one more hope that ended in heartbreak.
Before long, you may realize you’ve been carrying a burden God never intended you to carry alone. Sometimes spouses even begin searching for comfort in unhealthy places themselves. Not because they stopped loving their husband or wife. But because loneliness can become overwhelming when we forget where true refuge is found.
Pain has a way of convincing us that another counterfeit refuge might heal what the first one couldn’t. That never ends well. Only Christ can heal a wounded heart. Perhaps the greatest temptation for someone who loves an addicted person is believing that everything depends on them.
“If I say the right words…”
“If I love them enough…”
“If I try harder…”
“If I don’t give up…”
Those thoughts are understandable. But they’re also crushing. You’re responsible for loving them. You are not responsible for saving them. Only Jesus can do that.
Sometimes the most faithful thing you can do is continue placing both your loved one and your own heart into God’s hands. I know of a family who reached a place where hope seemed almost gone. The addiction had strained the marriage. Trust had nearly disappeared. And home had become a place of quiet tension instead of peace.
One spouse eventually came to church alone—not because they expected everything to change, but simply because they had nowhere else to turn. Something beautiful happened.
Before God changed their circumstances… He began changing their hearts. Months later, the family began worshiping together. Healing didn’t happen overnight. It was a long and difficult journey, but healing did happen. Trust had to be rebuilt. Forgiveness had to be learned. Old wounds took time to heal. But little by little, Christ became the refuge that alcohol never could.
Not every story ends exactly like that one. Some people continue waiting, continue praying, and loving someone who hasn’t yet chosen recovery. But every story can end with the same hope: Jesus has not abandoned you. If you’re carrying the weight of loving someone you can’t rescue, don’t carry it alone. Bring it to Christ. He knows what it is to love someone who continues making destructive choices. He understands rejection and grief. He understands waiting. And He promises to walk with those who trust Him.
Perhaps today your prayer isn’t, “Lord, change my spouse.”
Maybe today it simply needs to be,
“Lord…
Help me trust You while I wait.”
Because while you can’t rescue the person you love…
You can rest in the One who still rescues people every day.
A Final Word
Perhaps today you feel like you’re drowning, while everyone else thinks you’re standing safely on dry ground.
I understand why.
You’ve been carrying more than anyone realizes. But don’t let the feeling of drowning keep you from staying thirsty. Not thirsty for another answer or for another escape. Not thirsty for another person to become your refuge. Stay thirsty for Christ. Because the One who said,
“If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.” (John 7:37, KJV)
is still inviting weary hearts to come. The person you love may not change today. The burden you’re carrying may not disappear tomorrow. But while you wait… Keep coming to the only One who satisfies the thirsty soul.
“As the heart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.”
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A Prayer for Someone You Love but Cannot Rescue
Lord God,
I love them, Lord, but I’m tired. I’ve prayed, worried, waited, hoped, forgiven, and tried to hold together things that sometimes feel as though they are falling apart in my hands.
You know how desperately I want to help them.
You know how many times I have wondered what else I could say, what else I could do, or what I could have done differently. But Lord, I am beginning to understand that there are places in their heart that I cannot reach.
Only You can.
So today, I place the person I love into Your hands Lord…. Go where I cannot go. Speak where my words can no longer reach. Break the chains I can’t break. Lord, bring conviction where I can’ convince. Give them courage to seek help, strength to choose what is right, and grace to take the next step toward freedom. And Lord, while I am asking You to work in them, please don’t forget to work in me.
Protect my heart from bitterness. When another promise is broken, keep disappointment from becoming hatred. When fear begins consuming my thoughts, remind me that I am not carrying tomorrow alone. When I am exhausted, teach me that resting does not mean I have stopped loving them. Give me wisdom to know when to help and when to step back. Teach me the difference between carrying a burden beside someone and trying to carry a burden that only they can surrender to You. Help me set boundaries when they are needed without using them as punishment. Give me grace to forgive without pretending that wounds do not hurt. Give me courage to speak truth without cruelty, and love without enabling what is destroying them.
And when guilt whispers that I should have been able to save them, remind me that I was never their Savior…. Jesus is.
Lord, I don’t know how this story will end. I wish I did. I wish I could see the day when the chains are broken, trust is restored, and the person I remember seems to come home again. But until then, help me trust You with the pages I cannot yet see. And if today all I can manage to pray is, “Lord, please help us,” hear even that.
Hold the person I love. Hold our family. And please, Lord…
hold me too.
Keep my heart thirsty for You while I wait. Be the refuge I cannot find anywhere else and remind me that even when I cannot rescue the person I love, neither of us is beyond the reach of Your grace.
In Jesus’ name we pray.
Amen.
Perhaps you’d enjoy one of our other articles, What Holds Your Heart?
Or, Small Steps of Faith that Lead to Big Change.
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It’s my prayer that you feel comfortable reaching out with your questions or prayer requests. While I may not always be able to respond immediately, I am committed to setting aside regular time to read and respond to as many messages as possible.
Email: richard@threads-of-grace.blog
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Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version (KJV). Historical, archaeological, and cultural information is included to help illuminate the biblical text and is drawn from reputable scholarly sources whenever possible. While these resources can enrich our understanding of Scripture, our faith ultimately rests in God’s Word—not in archaeology or historical records.
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